Waking up this morning I found myself yet again exhausted and crabby. Days, weeks, and months on end with constantly interrupted sleep eat away at me. My eyes are heavy and the dark circles under them are not for the faint of heart. I have earned these. As I lay in bed for just a little longer hoping that maybe just 20 more minutes might actually do something I hear the giggles and “Dada” overflowing out of little one’s lips in the other room. My husband got up early with our babies so that I could try to get just a little more rest. At that moment I remembered the saying,
Some days are hard friends. Some days I wish I was carefree and giddy, and did nothing but play with my little ones; and some days I do. But then there are the days I pray to have the strength to just get through. I pray to make it till bedtime where once again the rest and sleep my body is craving never fully comes. And I do it all over again the next sunrise. In all the difficulty of this season of my life where I am demanded of at all hours of the day. Where I am worn thin and oozing exhaustion these are still the days I prayed for.
How could an answered prayer look so draining? How could it demand you to give all of yourself? How could a place of fulfilled promise look and feel so difficult? These are all things I have asked the Lord. And He reminds me of Joseph. There he sat second in command of Egypt directly in the middle of God’s promise on his life and in walked his brothers. Unrecognizable to them he began a conversation with the very people who rejected and betrayed him. Right in the middle of his fulfilled promise walked in his greatest hardship. Even as his brothers sat before him asking for help he had to make a choice. He could choose to act on his pain or release it to God and forgive them. There he sat in the days he had dreamed about, in all the promises God had given him, and yet at that moment tears streamed down his face. He made a choice in his promise that ultimately lead him to the complete fulfillment of God’s call on his life. His family was restored.
I think of that story and I know that I have been given a choice. This season of my life Is one of such fulfilled promises. There are too many things to be thankful for, yet my days have been hard. More difficult than anyone may ever know. But He is refining me. He is giving me a choice to work through some of the hard things in the midst of this promise to bring forth His will.
We all have seasons and it’s not up to us to covet someone else’s season. Just remember you don’t know what fire someone walked through to get to the promise they are living in now, and you don’t know the hardship they face inside their promise either. So today I choose grace and I would encourage you to do the same.